I woke up one day and decided that I no longer believe in forever. Fine, I did not just wake up and snap. It took me years to shake off my rose-coloured lenses and see reality in all its shades. Apologies to those who still believe, likewise to those who have found their happily-ever-afters. I don’t want to rain on your parade. Probably ‘forever’ is just selective. There might be ‘forever’ for you — but not necessarily for the rest of us.
Spreading nega vibes has never been my goal. There’s just this aching need in me to pen these all down while I could and would.
Sometimes I tell myself I’m too young to be this jaded, cynical even. But because I loathe the fact that people always tell me I’m too young for this, too young for that, I concluded there is no age requirement or limit to become part of the cynic society. Membership is open and free for everyone. Please sign up through our website. Okay, there’s no website but this could be a brilliant idea.
Maybe I should thank divine providence for my lack of skills to assume or jump into conclusions based on signs and hints. I’m such a sucker for facts and evidence. I need paper or electronic trails, as much as I need verbatim quotes from first-hand sources. I don’t take hearsay as evidence — I’d always prefer written or verbal confessions. All of these I owe to my hardcore journalism professors.
Don’t take me wrong. Most of the time, I have reliable instincts and gut-feel –and gaydar, if you may. Though they just don’t work well in the flirting and relationship sphere. One can’t know or feel everything, right?
But let me tell you a non-fic. The universe has its way to (as the meme goes) slap you hard in your face, with a chair, most of the time. People point out how this person has been throwing hints your way, how this other one treats you differently, how this co-worker singles you out amongst the crowd — how each flirts with you. You just don’t get it ‘cos in your heart you believe they are just being nice and friendly. When you say this, you get varied reactions –one, you’re the densest; two, you’re faking humility; three, you’re just playing dumb or plain dumb.
I’ve experienced being cheated on first hand and I am not ashamed to say it did happen. After all, the burden’s not on me. I once refused to even consider I could be cheated on by someone I gravely and greatly trust. Hell yeah, universe will slap you hard in the face, with a chair. The good thing is, an experience such as what I had to go through builds character.
Lying and cheating have been mainstream for quite some time now. Do I need to list down the movie titles for you? I don’t want to be a part of it, however tempting. I do not want to shatter somebody else’s ‘forever’. I refuse to, at least for now (and as long as I’m sane enough to remain craycray). I wasn’t made for drama so I would not want to put myself in a plot which includes all this cheating and whathaveyous. I’m not trying to be morally upright here. I also do not mean to discriminate. We have different experiences and circumstances and I am not one to judge. I just want to get my message through.
Do me a favor and make me believe in forever once more.
Don’t risk it and let a great girl, whom you love, slip away. Stay with her. In case you do not love her anymore (yeah, ‘cos feelings do change), walk away before it gets nasty with all the cheating and lying.
And for heaven’s sake, just stop with the flirting which, in my calculations, is roughly three somersaults away from cheating. Or maybe, flirt all you want but keep me out of it. You are not just leading me into temptation, you’re damn showing me the shortcut. Okay, this makes me sick.
Now, will you please excuse me while I throw up.
PS. If you are my (or will be, or if there is such a person that exists) ‘forever’, I’d like to apologise beforehand ‘cos this would be a hell of a struggle. I can only promise it would be worth your while, and hopefully, mine. ###
This is a product of ‘write drunk, edit drunk’. Do leave a comment for violent reactions. KTHNKSBYE.